Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
