This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
