i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
