He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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