I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
