u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
