In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
