i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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