I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
