Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I FOUND THE LEGS
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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