OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
