she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I still have a little drunk in my system
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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