were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
