Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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