2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
