There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
