I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
