dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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