so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Screwed.edu
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I love how my cats smell like pot.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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