just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
