You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
