I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
