someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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