Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
