My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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