Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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