Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
