I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
