I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
