hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
