It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
