Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
