no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize