she smelled like a LAN party
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
