Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
