Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
