Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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