ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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