I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
