They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
