; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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