1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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