It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
my liver is dry heaving
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
