just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
