Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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