so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
