hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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