I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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