what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
