Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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