dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
