this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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