took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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