Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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