last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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