need another drink. this is the easiest way
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
