Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
