I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
