Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
