what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Is it because I queefed?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
