I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
