Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
