I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
