so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
