Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize