I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You made out with two different species that night
my liver is dry heaving
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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