his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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