thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
